Weddings are exciting. They are like a gift box with several gifts inside, each one better than before. You can wait for the seasons of TV shows, web series, and sequels of movies all you want, but the kind of excitement one has for the weddings of cousins, relatives, and friends is unimaginable. In India, most families live in a close-knit structure where all the relatives stay connected through various festivals like Diwali, Holi, Rakhi, and yes, weddings. Weddings are more or less like festivals because there are large gatherings, exchanges of gifts, and lots of enjoyment. Trust me you are going to enjoy an Indian wedding much more than the next episode of Game of Thrones or Sherlock Holmes or Sacred Games.
Every coin has two sides. Weddings in India are certainly a grand affair. There is a list of rituals that have to be followed by the families of the bride and groom in the name of traditions. It is because these customs have been there for quite a long time. But no one has ever thought or dared to change them. Some of these rituals are pretty regressive. Indian weddings show us a clear picture of how Indian society functions. However, throughout India, one can notice that the rituals vary. For instance, drinking alcohol is a sign of celebration in Punjabi weddings but it may not be so in northeastern weddings. But it is a good sign that people have started molding these age-long rituals for their modern weddings. How long can one tolerate these regressive traditions which unrealistically bind the bride and groom? There is nothing wrong with rejecting the norms which don’t fit the collective ideology and go against an individual’s principles. But yes, it will take a lot of guys to go against the families and the society. So be ready to face some harsh backlash!
Imagine if Raja Ram Mohun Roy dared to discard such a prevalent practice called Sati, can we not dismiss the smallest rituals that demean the bride’s family. If society has the courage and power to outlaw Sati practice and makes child marriages illegal, then it can stop such regressive practices from happening in weddings. You must be wondering that when all these practices have been banned, what are those wedding practices which are regressive but still taking place. Don’t worry, fasten your seat belts, Girlossip is taking you on a ride of weird, immoral, and absurd wedding traditions which Indians blindly follow, so get ready!
Here is a list of weird rituals in India that need to be discarded for good, because if we don’t do it now, they will start polluting the young minds. If you are planning your wedding anytime soon, you must get rid of these weird, oppressive, sexist, misogynistic, and unreasonable rituals! Have a look at these customs and throw them away in the bin for good!
1. Kanyadaan
The first practice that involves following strict customs is Kanyadaan. It might have been true and relevant when the society was regressive and believed in misogyny but it is certainly irrelevant in today’s world. The literal meaning of Kanyadaan is a donation of daughters. However, it is a very problematic ritual because daughters are human beings and cannot be considered as objects of donation.
In earlier times, brides were sent to husbands in the form of offering. The husbands were considered to be Vishnu. Sacred rituals were performed to confirm Kanyadaan by the father of the bride. The women in India traded as objects from one place to another in the name of customs and traditions. When a father gives away his daughter to another man, it is considered an exchange of property but they forget that women aren’t a piece of property, they must be treated like human beings.
Furthermore, daughters must be ‘virgin at the time of marriage otherwise the wedding rituals are considered to be impure. This ritual is just too old-fashioned to be still carried on modern weddings. Many women are rejecting this ritual for good.
2. Entry Barred for the Mother
It is an age-long custom that the mother of the groom can be present at the wedding. In Hindu weddings, the groom’s mother is not allowed to be part of the baraat. At Bengali weddings, the mothers of both bride and groom are kept away from the wedding. This practice is not only weird but also immoral and disrespectful towards women. It is said that the mother can have a bad gaze at the wedding however there is no reason to support this narrative. There is a popular myth regarding Durga and Kartikeya (the son of Shiva) where this custom emerged. When Kartikeya was leaving for the wedding, it is said that his mother Durga was gulping down food because she thought that the daughter would not let her eat after the wedding. This led to Kartikeya disregarding the wedding in its entirety. Hence, to prevent marriages from getting broken or affected in any way, the mothers of grooms and brides are not allowed in the wedding. It is better to avoid such an absurd custom because it holds no relevance in today’s world.
3. Mangalsutra Wearing
Have you ever wondered why every identification mark of marriage is on women? Sindoor, bangles, toe rings, mangalsutra are all a part of bridal wear. Every woman is accustomed to wearing them as a mark of suhag. But this practice is not only recessive but also discriminatory. All the ornaments and accessories are to be worn only by women. Men have to wear an engagement ring and that too upon their discretion. There is a practice of mandatory women in villages to keep ghunghat till their torso. This purdah system emerged in the early centuries but it shouldn’t be prevalent nowadays.
Apart from that, the mangalsutra is considered a symbol of a married woman. It more or less becomes a part of their identity. Women are robbed of their dignity if they are married and do not wear mangalsutra. They are also considered ‘eligible and available’ for nuptial knots in the absence of this ornament.
A man can roam around the city as he pleases with whatever he wants to wear, but when a woman does it, she is considered a loose and characterless woman. To curb down such discrimination, it is very important to abolish the mandate of wearing a mangalsutra after marriage. Of course, women can wear one but only if it is their choice and not a compulsion.
4. The Kashi Yatra
India is a land of religions and rituals. We Indians have a great structure of belief system in God. Providing special privileges to men has been an integral part of Indian society. Similarly, even at weddings, grooms are provided special privileges to put them on a higher pedestal than women. This custom is not only absurd but also saddening. You may find it funny but in the undercurrent, the ideology behind this is quite hard-hitting.
So what happens is that the groom can announce that he doesn’t want to marry the bride anymore because he wants to travel to Kashi to seek higher learning and spiritual knowledge. If you know the Indian customs well, you would be aware that Kashi is a place of pilgrimage for devotees who have strong faith in God. Now the father of the bride is bound to beg and plead with the groom to marry his daughter. Yes, you heard it right – beg! The family of the bride suffers a lot through the wedding and preparations, but this ritual crosses all levels. It is regressive and should be eliminated as soon as possible!
5. The Feet-Wash
If you have been to several Indian weddings, you may have observed this custom. Since we live in a male-dominated society, the rituals mostly favor one gender. In this ritual, the entire bride’s family has to wash the feet of the groom. The husband is considered to be Shiva and that is why it is beloved that the bride’s family has to worship him like Lord Shiva. Even the bride has to behave all her life like a faithful wife that was Goddess Parvati. This practice is outright sexist and propagates discrimination because no such ritual is made for the groom or his family.
Why is it that the onus of falsely respecting the groom and his family lies on the bride and her family? You would have never seen the groom and his family washing the bride’s feet because it would be insulting right? Then, why is it prevalent for brides to do so in the name of tradition? It’s high time that we discard such practices, let alone adopt them.
6. Haldi
Half does seem like a fun ritual. People who love the Holi festival will certainly fall for this ritual too. The only difference between Haldi and Holi is that in the former, all colors are used. Most of the rituals are still practiced because nobody questioned them. It is also because it takes a lot of courage to challenge a tradition that has been a part of the societal structure for years.
The question here is of purity and hygiene. In most weddings, the Haldi is applied to a woman’s body once the groom has touched it. It is seen in Bengali weddings as well that the groom pours down the Haldi onto the bride and then she has to bathe with it. Now the question is how do you decide the purity of the groom? No human shall be mandated to perform such a ritual that can be unhygienic. Would a groom bathe from the Haldi that the bride has touched and applied? Sounds absurd right? Then brides should also not be mandated to perform such traditions which can harm their health.
7. The Balancing Act
A woman leaves her entire family, her home, her world to come and settle with her husband. This tradition is very cruel in itself. Can a man leave his family, friends, relatives, work, education, and live with his wife? If this sounds weird, then think how painful it can be for a woman. There is a strange practice in Bihar that seems to take things to another plane altogether. When the bride comes to his husband’s home, the mother-in-law puts several pots over her head one day after the other. The count of pots keeps increasing as the days pass by. This is done to resemble that the wife has to take care of all the household chores while balancing her married life. It would be fun if it was a game but in some parts of India, it is taken quite seriously. All the household work is done after the marriage with their pots on the head, and even if one pot breaks, the bride has to take all the scolding and hurtful comments from the family. It is needed in her mind that she is unworthy of everything and doesn’t know how to take care of the family. Such rituals are mental torture and must be eliminated from weddings at the earliest.
8. Marrying a peepal tree (Or a dog, take your pick!)
How would you feel if you had to be married to a tree or an animal before actually marrying a man? We will all have a good laugh at this ritual. It is sexist, weird, stupid, and irrational. You ask why? Let’s dig deep into this. The families consult the pandits to have a look at the star charts of bride and groom. The stars have to match perfectly according to astrology, otherwise, the wedding cannot take place. But if some stars are amiss, then the pandit recommends the family to get the daughter married to a tree or a dog to remove bad luck from her destiny. It is believed that whoever the bride marries first, all the bad luck gets absorbed in it. It may also be a peepal tree. Nonetheless, what seems bizarre is that when any such situation is faced by men, they can get away with it just by a prayer ceremony. So you know what to do. Just throw this patriarchal ritual away from your wedding.
9. Cooking for the Men
Cooking for men has been the perpetual responsibility of women. It is one such thing that women are known for. But it’s insulting how the entire burden of cooking for the family and taking care of the children is only on women. Whenever the groom’s family looks for a bride, the first thing they ask for is whether she knows how to cook. A good wife must be a good cook.
In Rabha weddings in Assam, the bride is burdened with tonnes of household chores as soon as she is married off. She has to cook food for everyone in the house, especially men. The worst thing in this ritual is that the bride is not allowed to eat or taste food that has been prepared by her. She has to cook the meal, serve them to men and then even take the dishes back for a wash. A woman who is leaving everything to live with a completely strange man has to face such severity. It is more or less a very cruel thing to do to a woman. She must be welcomed with warm hugs and comfort but this ritual makes it all worse. Don’t accept it at all no matter what the reasons are!
10. Bidaai
Since time immemorial, the brides are being wedded off to different households. Most of the time, these households and husbands are unknown. How can one live with a completely unknown man for life? We are all aware of Bidaai, a ritual in which the father and mother of the daughter request the groom to take good care of their daughter. But no one has ever questioned why females have been sent away to strange places in the very first place? It doesn’t happen in the case of men, they have the privilege of staying at their home and enjoying all the comfort but women have to dissolve their identity completely to adjust and fit in another family. Since childhood females are called ‘paraya dhan as if they are some pretty that has to be given away after a certain point of time. This completely vanishes away from the existence of a woman. We do understand that we live in a society and traditions and customs have to be followed but what is the use of rituals that only digress one gender and let another enjoy all the privilege.
Such rituals have to be stopped because it’s high time. We cannot keep living in the same era. People have changed and so have the ideologies. One cannot keep living their life according to society. So break the shackles of patriarchy and scrap away all these regressive rituals from your wedding. Only then the new generations will earn from you. Whenever a ritual is being performed at your wedding, question it, challenge it, and then carry it forward. Otherwise, all of us will keep remaining stagnant.