Swipe right and you probably have found your better half. In today’s era, we are perpetually only a swipe away from experiencing our next relationship or next rush of romance or encounter something adventurous with someone you find attractive. By the face of it, you should be able to listen to your inner voice and make the decisions that might change your love life yet it is almost impossible for several people to make decisions like that easily.
These are some of the issues that a Demisexual person faces, and if you’ve ever debated whether you are a demisexual or not then read on.
What Does Demisexual Mean?
Demi-sexuality is a sexual orientation where the person doesn’t feel any sexual attraction towards their prospective partner if they don’t have a close emotional connection.
The emotional connection doesn’t entirely mean love, it comes down to friendships as well. A demisexual person needs to build an emotional relationship, romantically, or platonically to have any sexual experience.
Types Of Demisexual Sexualities
Panoramic demisexual- People who classify themselves as panoramic demisexual must establish a close relationship with a romantic interest to see them as such. Being panromantic, these people are attracted to everyone, from any sex or gender, and seem to believe that their partner’s gender does nothing to determine their relationship.
Biromantic demisexual- Quite panromantic, but more oriented towards a plurality of genders rather than sexual orientations, individuals who are biromantic are romantically, but not inherently sexually drawn to more than one gender identity. Biromantic demisexual people need to be deeply emotionally and romantically involved with someone to experience sexual attraction, regardless of gender.
Signs That You Are Demisexual
1. You Might’ve Felt Different Growing Up
You undoubtedly thought your sex life was different from other people long before you ever questioned your sexuality. You’ve been aware since you were young that you didn’t quite fit in with what seemed to interest everyone else, felt alienated when your friends said something about how hot someone was or discussed their love lives. You felt like something could have been missing, or maybe something was fundamentally wrong with you.
2. You Usually Aren’t a Big Fan Of Physical Touch
Making out, grinding, and prolonged gestures on the dance floor are a turnoff for you. Physical intimacy can be stressful and make you feel a little insecure, even with somebody you know. You would much rather have a conversation or get to know them personally than feel fraysexual(where the physical attraction to someone follows immediately after meeting but fades away as the emotional attachment strengthens). You find these emotions daunting and painful sometimes.
3. Most, If Not All, Of Your Relationships, Have Started Out As Friendships
There is an aspect of the full faith and security that draws you to them. It’s not just the feeling of protection or the feeling of being able to predict what they’re going to do or how they’re going to react. The attraction is so deep-seated that it makes you see them in a different light than what you did when you first met them. In friendships, there is no honeymoon period for you, since what most people typically talk about as “honeymoon” period is more like your “uncertainty” phase.
4. You Make A Really Big Deal Out Of Crushes
It’s not often that you’re drawn to someone in the first place, so the sensation is monumental when you feel that way. In childhood, everyone seemed to think that they would evolve out of “having crushes”, but if anything, yours only seemed to have more substance to them than they did when you were younger.
5. You Frequently Put More Pressure on First Dates Than Other Friends
Along with how dedicated the rest of the world is, you feel a whole new kind of pressure, as you know, when it comes to this, you expect that people can really understand how to proceed after a first date. It’s a different kind of pressure. And you concentrate too hard on it all. You check for celestial signals, You chat about it with so many people or you fear influencing yourself too much that you tell nobody whatsoever. If you are sure you are attracted to them, you won’t waste their time.
6. For You, Looks Are Mostly Irrelevant
For demisexuals, physical appearance isn’t the priority. It’s rather a non-factor when it comes to developing feelings for a certain individual. They are more interested in authentic relations and drawn towards personalities over looks.
7. Love At First Sight! What’s That?
For most people, the idea of falling in love, at first sight, is something romantic and idyllic, something they’ve grown up reading in fairy tales or watching romantic movies. But not for someone who’s a demisexual. Not only is falling in love at first sight out of the question, but the idea that someone might feel drawn at a glance seems scandalous. So, if you’re one of those people who love at first sight is as unlikely as a man developing wings, congratulations! You’re a demisexual.
8. You’ve Probably Been Called a “Prude”
In this era of quick dating and finding a partner on the app, you still believe in the concept of increasing interpersonal bonds, becoming friends, and then maybe becoming physically connected. No wonder, people sometimes call you ‘old fashioned’, because they just can’t understand how you can hold yourself away from the pleasures of having sex with someone unless you’ve grown emotionally attached to that person.
9. You Long For a Relationship- But Not Necessarily Physical Touch
Demisexual is different from asexual. It’s not that you’re not attracted to others, or that you’re interested in romantic relationships, and while you might get excited by physical touch, you won’t be totally turned on by physicality alone. The emotional component is an important part of feeling the true sense of connection and desire.
10. You Do Enjoy Sex, But Only Under Specific Circumstances
Unlike asexuals who are repulsed by sex, demisexuals actually enjoy it when very specific conditions are met. Specifically, you need to feel a deep emotional connection with someone before you can picture getting naked with them. You would feel exposed and nervous, rather than excited if you were thrown together with another person with whom you didn’t feel a deep emotional bond.
11. You Don’t Get The “Hook-Up Culture”
You feel out of line with the new world of hook-ups. Your buddies feel like a night out isn’t complete without a make-out session at the bar or at least get a phone number with the potential for future fun, whereas you’d be perfectly happy just chilling in a quiet corner and talking to friends or getting to know a stranger, with no interest in having something going beyond a handshake.
12. You Don’t Feel The Necessity To Act On Your Arousal Like Most Heterosexuals Do
For someone who is demisexual, you feel puzzled by how horny the rest of the world appears to be. It can seem like the way people blow up their relationships or waste large sums of money and massive quantities of time trying to get laid. You just don’t have that kind of sex drive.
13. You Don’t Get Flirting
Your friends enjoy having random conversations with strangers at the bar or through Tinder, cracking jokes, or going on elaborate, goofy tangents about nothing. You’d rather talk about something than lose your patience with the flirty chats that are going on as contact between people who are going to get in each other’s pants. Friends will always have to point out to you that someone was flirting with you when you didn’t know — it’s a language you just don’t speak.
14. You Have Sexual Fantasies Or Enjoy Erotic Fiction
Demisexual can rather have active sexual fantasies whether they like romantic tales, watch porn, or build their own mental fantasies. The difference is that it’s not only the physical act of sex that keeps them on but the entire background of the person they’re dreaming of having sex with, there’s a big emotional dimension to these fantasies that gives them extra charge for the demisexual person.
15. You Aren’t Alone
The word demisexual is relatively new, it was first coined in 2008 on the website of the Asexual Visibility & Education Network but it’s growing fast as more and more people turn out to be demisexual, refusing to be ashamed of their unusual attractions. A demisexual person may also be gay, heterosexual, or bisexual, or pansexual, and may not have a gender orientation when it comes to sexual attraction. So, although you may feel like you don’t fit, there are many other demisexuals out there, and even if they aren’t loud about it, they are numerous.